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AN ATTEMPT TO FORGET ꘡ My journey to healing ma heart, ma soul.

When you feel like you're okay. When you feel you're strong. When everything starts to feel normal suddenly reality strikes your face. The pain still there and once again you feel it. The pain that you thought it is gone a long time ago. Damn it hurt more than the previous one. You clench your teeth and pray that this pain will be gone soon. You pray so hard, you can't take it anymore.

At this stage, you will have some thoughts that you rather be dead than have to face the feeling. You are so weak. Miserable but still act strong in the surface but deep inside only god knows how your feeling. It's like a walking entity with no soul, you feel so numb. How you pull yourself up every single day reminds ourself that you have to be strong, so that others don't feel weak being around you. Inside of you just a painful memories and an unfillable void...The things that you do to make you sane is totally insane...

There will be a time when you will prefer to watch sad movies, listen to sad songs because this time you can feel the sadness from the songs. You will have questions that linger in your thought.

" What's my fault?"
"What I have done?"

I only have a few of my bestie. They usually not involved with my love life, but they always been there when I'm at my weakest.

"Hey, what's up?"
"I broke up with him"

I'm forcing a smile when meeting her. She just sits quietly next to me and when I started to cry she just hugs me tight without a word. You can't talk because no words can describe your pain at that time and remembering the details just make you bleed again. Thank You, GOD. I still have people who care about me.

What's wrong with me?
Am I too bad? or am I too good?

You still being left whether you being a good person or a bad person. Then slowly you will change. You become bitter and so damn cold. You feel by doing that you can protect your heart from being hurt again. At one point you start thinking that it's okay being alone. Anyhow you still manage to survive and live without a man.

"Shit! a nightmare again"

I seldom got a nightmare, but usually when I dream it will be the most horrible and I won't dare to sleep back again. This time it happens again. Woke up in the middle of the night, and don't know what to do. Usually, I will text him because I know he always be there. Guess what, once again I feel so pathetic, not because of the nightmare but the fact that this time you have to deal with the situation alone. You're literally ALONE. The saddest fact that you have to shallow that nite. All these memories make me sick.

Moving on not that easy...admit that I'm trying..trying so hard. Now I understand why people become so bloody cold. They have been hurting again and again. They have been fighting their own battle. My advice is

"Be kind to everyone. You never know what they have been dealing with"

My unconscious mind at 2:53am

to be continue....

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Title: How to be invisible

Author: Tim Lott

Format: Paperback

Page: 237 pages

ISBN: 9781406324235

Strato Nyman couldn’t be more of an odd-one-out. He’s the only black kid in Hedgecombe-upon-Dray, he knows more about particle physics than his teacher, and he’s constantly picked on by school bully Lloyd Archibald Turnbull. It’s only at home that he blends into the background – his parents are too busy arguing to notice he exists. But one day, Strato picks up a dusty old book in a mysterious bookshop and learns how to become invisible. He soon discovers that people aren’t always what they seem … and realizes standing out isn’t so bad after all.

This is my favorite book for October. I started to read this book on 19th October and finished on 24th October. I like the beginning of the story when you suddenly noticed a tiny passageway that stretched off past the side of the cafe. As you get closer, you could see a very old rusty bookshop that had a very strange smell like old, wet leaves. That few pages of this book really hooked me so bad. Anything that mysterious, books, and an old creepy town? Yeah, you can count me in!

Nyman found the invisible book through a little accident inside the mystery bookshop. When he stumbled and knocking down an enormous pile of books which one of the books that he managed to catch is the book that had no words on the front and no words on the spine while the cover of the book as bright as a mirror. No author or publisher or anything else. Just four words.

"How To Be Invisible"

And so the adventure begins. What I could describe as the main character in this book (Nyman) is like walking thesaurus. His vocab beyond his age. I like it when every jargon word inside this book comes out with the definition and sometimes the origin of the words. For example: Aficionado incidentally means " a fan or a passionate supporter of something" and you also will be amused by how clever Nyaman when it comes to science. He would rather be called himself a science geek. There is a part when he explain the mystery of the magic atom. Well, I'm not a fan of science but the way that he does explain that theory makes me keen to read more about this book because it related to what actually happens to him, how he turned himself to be an invisible boy. Actually I kinda afraid when thinking thirteen years old would do something that beyond my imagination when he got the availability to become invisible, but end up using that gift to helping each other makes me relief.

There are a few minor characters that gives a big impact on this book. Lloyd Archibald Turnbull. One of my favorite characters in this book. He is a subtle bully. He isn't a physical bully but he does say and do things to hurt the protagonist. He, not a bad bot like he obviously thinks of herself. He is clever and articulate but somehow life hasn't been easy for him since the accident. As I found more about him, I found that I like him more. Another thing that I notice in this story is, everyone has a very weird name except for Susan (Nyman's mother) well only the author knows the reason for it. LOL😆

Despite all of this though, How To Be Invisible is an enjoyable story. It has a sense of fun and mystery, full of quirky and interesting characters also pleasant magical atmosphere. Perfect book to read during school holidays especially in December.

Overall I give ⭐⭐⭐⭐over⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

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Title:Monokromatik

Author: Iqbal Rafiuddin

Format: Paperback

Page: 190 pages

Rafiq menyedari bersama Adira menjadikan dirinya seperti berada di dalam sebuah ensiklopedia gila. Semua yang berlaku di sekitarnya adalah mental. Yakinkah kita ini normal?

“Korang kena tahu something, sebenarnya berapa kerat sangat orang dalam dunia ni yang betul-betul normal akal fikirannya? Korang, aku sendiri, semua orang ada masalah mental. Korang fikir korang dah cukup normal?”MPD. Multiple Personality Disorder. Sejauh manakah anda tahu mengenainya?

Buku ni AD dapat daripada kak Sha http://kasihkuamani.blogspot.com/ sebagai buku extra untuk segmen book exchange. For those yang tak tahu buku exchange tu apa..ha boleh lihat di SINI. AD sebenarnya rasa teruja setelah baca review daripada Ika di instagram beliau. Genre Gore, Psiko dan mental sememangnya membuatkan pembacaan buku ini sepatutnya menjadi lebih menarik. AD sangat memilih untuk membaca buku karya tempatan. Mereka bagus cuma buku yang AD jumpa setakat ini kebanyakkan bertemakan cinta cintun, jadi bila dapat buku yang bergenre sebegini sememangnya excited.

Tajuk buku ni sahaja membuatkan kita berfikir. MONOKROMATIK yang dalam istilah cahaya membawa maksud cahaya dengan satu warna yang terdiri daripada riak warna yang hampir sama eg:lampu LED. Ini mengikut pemahaman AD. *Mohon pencerahan jika salah info Manakala cover buku yang cantik dan misteri menggambarkan 2 muka yang berbeza perwatakan. Satu gambar sedang menagis manakala satu lagi seolah olah mempunyai penderitaan yang tak digambarkan.

Permulaan cerita yang berjaya hooked AD dengan ayat "Jangan tegur Adira jika kau tidak mahu menyesal" Jujur AD katakan AD sangat teruja untuk membaca buku ini. Namun keterujaan itu seakan lenyap dengan beberapa kesalahan ejaan penulis. Dah ade spoil disitu. Menariknya AD hanya perlukan 1 hari untuk menghabiskan buku ini. Ada babak yang AD tak sangka like plot twist, well biasala kne ada babak percintaan, tapi AD masih boleh terima coz kisahnya xde la mcm tangkap leleh sangat kan😸 just ada babak yg mcm "wah ni cerita apa ni, siap boleh tag along lawan musuh sesame" Then persoalan macam adira ni ada belajar seni pertahankan diri ke? rasa cam fantasi sangat la pula.

Then masih ada beberapa bahagian yang bagi AD masih ada lopongnya..mungkin disebabkan ini adalah karya pertama beliau. Beberapa persoalan mengenai watak sampingan seperti ibunya like kenapa ibu Adira berubah perwatakan semenjak ayahnya tiada, then what happens pula pada abg adira sebab watak die sekejap je muncul. Then selepas kejadian 13 tahun yang lepas tidak diberitahu secara jelas adakah kakak adira masih hidup atau tidak kerana flashing back just mcm tu and xde details yang cukup. It's like mak die tetibe ada atas kusi roda then perwatakan mak die mcm sinis sepanjang masa, abg die jd super protective. Just would be nice if minor characters ini juga dikembangkan kisahnya akan memberikan impak yang besar kepada buku ini. Para pembaca menjadi lebih faham. Jika dilihat pada tajuk, AD rasa tertarik utk baca kerana menceritakan mengenai psiko, gore genre..mungkin expectations AD tinggi sangat kot..

anyway ⭐️⭐️over⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

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Sumber Google

Title: Dance in the rain

Author: Rabiatul Faazra

Format: Paperback

Pages: 210

ISBN: 9789670716541

Kenapa mujahadah itu pahit?
kerana syurga itu manis..

Ini kisah seorang gadis yang mahu mengenal Tuhan. Ibarat diari, dia mencoret tentang percintaan, persahabatan, perubahan diri dan segala macam rasa yang dia lalui. Ada suka dan duka. Ada masam dan manis. Ada masam dan tawar. Ehhh...macam-macam ada.Bercampur perasaannya. Selayaknya menari di dalam hujan. Dance in the rain. Dia ingin sekali berkongsi hakikat perjalanan seorang hamba, sebelum kembali bertemu-Nya

Buku ni AD terima daripada rakan blogger AD iaitu Kai https://kyratulamira.blogspot.com/. Kami bertukar buku melalui segmen "Book swap: Give a book,get a book" AD ada ceritakan mengenai segmen ni di SINI. Memang AD tak sangka langsung yang AD kan terima buku ni sebab AD adalah sejenis yang tak kisah buku pape pon janji yang kene dgn genre. The moment AD bukak parcel tu kemain excited! Sebab 2 baris ayat diatas yang buatkan AD terus macam freeze kejap sebab ayat tu deep sangat tau.

Buku ni adalah bergenre islamic motivation. Merupakan perjalanan seorang insan untuk memperbaiki dirinya dan pada masa yang sama ingin menyampaikan dakwah manakala pendekatan dakwah yang diambil adalah secara santai tanpa menghukum dan mempersoalkan keperibadian seseorang.

Buku ini dibahagikan dengan beberapa chapter yang ringkas tapi padat isinya yang dilengkapi sekali dengan contoh dan pengalaman semasa penulis. Gaya penulisan yang santai tapi memberi makna yang mendalam seringkali membuatkan AD untuk berfikir. Seolah nasihat seorang kakak kepada adiknya tentang kehidupan yang dilalui. kadang kita terleka, akan tujuan kita sebagai anak cucu adam adalah untuk menyampaikan ilmu, memartabatkan Islam dimata dunia dan paling penting adalah untuk beribadah kepada ALLAH. Nah, sekali sekala membaca buku sebegini sememangnya seronok. Seolah jiwa yang sekian lama kosong kembali terisi dengan ilmu.

Penulis menyelitkan pengalaman beliau ketika zaman belajar agar ilmu yang dikongsikan lebih sampai kepada para pembaca malahan terhibur hati ini membacanya. Setiap satu chapter yang dikongsi akan disertakan dengan pengalaman, dan juga qoutes yang membina. Untuk semua di luar sana yang seringkali berasa down, seringkali hampir berputus asa, disarankan untuk membaca buku ini, Insyaallah akan mengembalikan jiwa anda.

Moga makin ramai yang berdakwah dengan cara sebegini. Overall AD bagi full stars! yeah!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐over⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

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* Please feel free to change the language (google translate widget at the right column)

AN ATTEMPT TO FORGET ꘡ My journey to healing ma heart, ma soul.

Did you agree with statement "writing is a therapy " A lot of people suggests to me to write to express my feelings. yes I'm doing it now because writing help me with my thoughts and emotion. So this is a story about my healing journey.

He used to call me fatty..and i used to call him fatso..

He's a nice man..really nice man..supportive, hadworking and have a kind heart but seems fate have another plan for us. No matter what we try but if ALLAH said “KUN FAYAKUN” (كُنْ فَيَكُونُ) Be and it is. The pain. The sorrow that you have to bear all the time makes you kinda lose hope in finding a love again. You will think like it is end of the your life. The more you fallen hard for someone, more hurt you will feels. How come world become so cruel?why it is such unfair?There is time you will think like that. I have been there..Big-time. My heart if not completely broken, woefully cracked. And it healed very slowly, very painfully.

So how do you get over a break-up? How long the mourning take? What I can say is it depends on that person itself and it will be different depends on the situation. Let's say you have been dumb because of your boyfriend is a liar, then recovery time might be shorter, because you know that he is not worth it. He is dumb ass. Why would you still begging for him, but if you're the one that cause of the problem you might need more time because the guilty inside you. But one thing that I sure is it takes longer than we want to it to take, and leaves it on its own time.

Deep in my heart.. I still want you, but i know this relationship not gonna work because of your words.

" Don't take things for granted"

and... that moment I realized that you already made up your mind, I know I have to let u go because the true love never hurting the other side. I can feel the pain from your voice. Hey beauty, letting go someone that you love would never be easy. But it is a symbolic that you're strong enough. If it meant to be it will be, but if not, you have to move on..it is sucks..but i will be here with you. Repairing our broken heart together. Looking for stuff to be feed to our empty soul. Ironic it is.

I don't know...someone might describe broken heart like you being stabbed by thousand of knife, or perhaps falling from a high place, scattered across the ground but if you ask me, it's more like chocking to the death. You can't feel the oxygen. You're dying. Your chest like being presses by something heavy. You feel the burden. You will start crying over and over until there is no more tears. You will lose your appetite. You don't want to be disturb by anyone, and all the time you just lay on the bed and cry. You cannot think straight. You avoiding to go out, because you don't want to remember those sweet memories when you pass your favorite shop or perhaps places that you always go when in the dating phase because it will hurt you more. The worst part is you lose a best friend, you lose a lover, you realized that no one ever gonna listen to the all crap that you will talk. YES! It's sucks.

will be continue...

PART 2 Here

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Title: Hold Fast

Author: Blue Balliett

Format: Paperback

Pages: 288

ISBN: 9780545299893

From NEW YORK TIMES bestselling author Blue Balliett, the story of a girl who falls into Chicago's shelter system, and from there must solve the mystery of her father's strange disappearance.

Where is Early's father? He's not the kind of father who would disappear. But he's gone... and he's left a whole lot of trouble behind.

As danger closes in, Early, her mom, and her brother have to flee their apartment. With nowhere else to go, they are forced to move into a city shelter. Once there, Early starts asking questions and looking for answers. Because her father hasn't disappeared without a trace. There are patterns and rhythms to what's happened, and Early might be the only one who can use them to track him down and make her way out of a very tough place.

With her signature, singular love of language and sense of mystery, Blue Balliett weaves a story that takes readers from the cold, snowy Chicago streets to the darkest corner of the public library, on an unforgettable hunt for deep truths and a reunited family

This book have been in my shelve like forever, and since I'm clearing up my shelve I just closed my eyes and decided that any book that I pick up I have to read it. That's how I started to read this book. My first impression when reading this book "wow" I like it when it involves a librarian world. Fantastic! because I'm a librarian so whenever I read something about library I always eager to read more and excited!!! What makes me more trilled to read this book when there is mystery involving books, libraries, and diamonds. Such a nice book!

It been so long since I have read a great book. This book lifted my live a bit when the author successfully describing about woodland area. I never heard of that area before. How author let us to think how we treat homeless people and to feel their feelings through this book. this is because when Early's father disappear they have to move out to the shelter with her mom and her little brother because they don't have money to afford living at their current place.

I would say that this book is a suitable book that teach us about manners through the characters inside this book. I like the bonding between the main character and the people at shelter and lastly this is a very unique book because Balliett once again enchants the reader with the beauty and power of language.

Overall I give ⭐⭐⭐⭐ over ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

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Title: Louder than words

Author: Laura Jarratt

Page:402pages

Format: Paperback

ISBN: 9781405269124

Rafi hasn’t spoken in eight years. Her progressive mutism went so far that now she can’t even comprehend the thought of talking anytime soon. But now it’s up to her to tell her brother’s story, because now he can’t speak either…

Rafi has always idolized her seventeen year-old brother, Silas. Popular, caring and borderline genius, Silas is everything Rafi ever wanted to be. Silas is the type of protective brother that always makes sure Rafi is with him, which means that Rafi gets to hear all sorts of things that younger sisters wouldn’t normally be a part of. Like when Silas hacked a gaming site to help out his friend Josie, who was being bullied for something incomprehensibly awful her ex did to her.

As Josie and Rafi spend more time together, Rafi finds herself with a proper friend for the first time in her life. Growing closer, Rafi realizes she wants to escape the bubble she’s been trapped inside and make her way back into the world – and this will happen by learning to speak again. But Silas has found a new interest too – one that’s pulling him away from everything and everyone that was once important to him. Will Rafi be able to find the words to save her brother before it’s too late? -credit to writtenwordsworld-

Honestly, blurb is the main reason why I pick up this book. For me this book have like some sort of mystery vibe. I kinda attracted with the blurb like how come a child could have selective mutism, usually we heard selective hearing only. I even googled to see if there is a real symptom of selective mutism. Yes, it is real. I don't know why lately i'm interested with this kind of genre.

A virtuous friendship shown clearly by Silas and Josie character. You can feel it, the way Josie express her sadness. She worrying about Silas when Silas start doing silly mistake same as her. This is a healthy relationship, a pure one. I felt like so close to the characters. Louder than words tackled subjects that were more serious that Laura Jarratt's previous books and to my surprise, there was actually no romance in this at all that makes this book just perfect book for me.

I love the unique story line, it wasn't something too different or confusing and dramatic but still had all the action and drama. Who knows that Lara could be such a plot twist in this story. Do watch my video to understand more about the characters inside this book. Overall i will give 3 stars