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AN ATTEMPT TO FORGET ꘡ My journey to healing ma heart, ma soul.

When you feel like you're okay. When you feel you're strong. When everything starts to feel normal suddenly reality strikes your face. The pain still there and once again you feel it. The pain that you thought it is gone a long time ago. Damn it hurt more than the previous one. You clench your teeth and pray that this pain will be gone soon. You pray so hard, you can't take it anymore.

At this stage, you will have some thoughts that you rather be dead than have to face the feeling. You are so weak. Miserable but still act strong in the surface but deep inside only god knows how your feeling. It's like a walking entity with no soul, you feel so numb. How you pull yourself up every single day reminds ourself that you have to be strong, so that others don't feel weak being around you. Inside of you just a painful memories and an unfillable void...The things that you do to make you sane is totally insane...

There will be a time when you will prefer to watch sad movies, listen to sad songs because this time you can feel the sadness from the songs. You will have questions that linger in your thought.

" What's my fault?"
"What I have done?"

I only have a few of my bestie. They usually not involved with my love life, but they always been there when I'm at my weakest.

"Hey, what's up?"
"I broke up with him"

I'm forcing a smile when meeting her. She just sits quietly next to me and when I started to cry she just hugs me tight without a word. You can't talk because no words can describe your pain at that time and remembering the details just make you bleed again. Thank You, GOD. I still have people who care about me.

What's wrong with me?
Am I too bad? or am I too good?

You still being left whether you being a good person or a bad person. Then slowly you will change. You become bitter and so damn cold. You feel by doing that you can protect your heart from being hurt again. At one point you start thinking that it's okay being alone. Anyhow you still manage to survive and live without a man.

"Shit! a nightmare again"

I seldom got a nightmare, but usually when I dream it will be the most horrible and I won't dare to sleep back again. This time it happens again. Woke up in the middle of the night, and don't know what to do. Usually, I will text him because I know he always be there. Guess what, once again I feel so pathetic, not because of the nightmare but the fact that this time you have to deal with the situation alone. You're literally ALONE. The saddest fact that you have to shallow that nite. All these memories make me sick.

Moving on not that easy...admit that I'm trying..trying so hard. Now I understand why people become so bloody cold. They have been hurting again and again. They have been fighting their own battle. My advice is

"Be kind to everyone. You never know what they have been dealing with"

My unconscious mind at 2:53am

to be continue....

CONVERSATION

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CONVERSATION

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Title: How to be invisible

Author: Tim Lott

Format: Paperback

Page: 237 pages

ISBN: 9781406324235

Strato Nyman couldn’t be more of an odd-one-out. He’s the only black kid in Hedgecombe-upon-Dray, he knows more about particle physics than his teacher, and he’s constantly picked on by school bully Lloyd Archibald Turnbull. It’s only at home that he blends into the background – his parents are too busy arguing to notice he exists. But one day, Strato picks up a dusty old book in a mysterious bookshop and learns how to become invisible. He soon discovers that people aren’t always what they seem … and realizes standing out isn’t so bad after all.

This is my favorite book for October. I started to read this book on 19th October and finished on 24th October. I like the beginning of the story when you suddenly noticed a tiny passageway that stretched off past the side of the cafe. As you get closer, you could see a very old rusty bookshop that had a very strange smell like old, wet leaves. That few pages of this book really hooked me so bad. Anything that mysterious, books, and an old creepy town? Yeah, you can count me in!

Nyman found the invisible book through a little accident inside the mystery bookshop. When he stumbled and knocking down an enormous pile of books which one of the books that he managed to catch is the book that had no words on the front and no words on the spine while the cover of the book as bright as a mirror. No author or publisher or anything else. Just four words.

"How To Be Invisible"

And so the adventure begins. What I could describe as the main character in this book (Nyman) is like walking thesaurus. His vocab beyond his age. I like it when every jargon word inside this book comes out with the definition and sometimes the origin of the words. For example: Aficionado incidentally means " a fan or a passionate supporter of something" and you also will be amused by how clever Nyaman when it comes to science. He would rather be called himself a science geek. There is a part when he explain the mystery of the magic atom. Well, I'm not a fan of science but the way that he does explain that theory makes me keen to read more about this book because it related to what actually happens to him, how he turned himself to be an invisible boy. Actually I kinda afraid when thinking thirteen years old would do something that beyond my imagination when he got the availability to become invisible, but end up using that gift to helping each other makes me relief.

There are a few minor characters that gives a big impact on this book. Lloyd Archibald Turnbull. One of my favorite characters in this book. He is a subtle bully. He isn't a physical bully but he does say and do things to hurt the protagonist. He, not a bad bot like he obviously thinks of herself. He is clever and articulate but somehow life hasn't been easy for him since the accident. As I found more about him, I found that I like him more. Another thing that I notice in this story is, everyone has a very weird name except for Susan (Nyman's mother) well only the author knows the reason for it. LOL😆

Despite all of this though, How To Be Invisible is an enjoyable story. It has a sense of fun and mystery, full of quirky and interesting characters also pleasant magical atmosphere. Perfect book to read during school holidays especially in December.